What Does “Home” Mean to a Person with Dementia
Almost all people with dementia and Alzheimer’s ask to go home. Most people don’t understand what home means to person with dementia.
What’s important for you to know is that the word “home” doesn’t mean the same thing to them as it does to us. Sometimes, they even ask this WHILE they are living in their home. This can be a sign that they’re not feeling engaged or their needs are not being attended to.
What they are really saying is that they want to feel safe, comfortable, and secure again, as we typically do when living at home. They want to be able to recognize people and places. They want to feel comfortable in familiar surroundings. This is how we feel when we talk about home. Because they have dementia, they have started to lose that emotional connection and they are asking to feel it again.
As far as how to handle this request, it depends on the level of the person’s cognitive impairment. There are two ways to handle this (at least!).
When a person with dementia asks about home
Try staying on the home topic but redirect their focus. So when they say “I want to go home,” reply with “We all love home, don’t we? My favorite memory of home is when we would plant the garden.” You are still talking about home but you’ve interested a new topic, the garden. This is a gentle redirection rather than the typical “Let’s go for ice cream!” more abrupt redirection.
Validate and Reassure your person with dementia
It’s easy to quickly change the topic but that can feel like you are ignoring the person with dementia. Just because someone has dementia doesn’t mean they don’t feel like you’re ignoring their words. Ignoring a person’s emotions or desires can lead to frustration and anger because they don’t feel seen or heard. Try wording similar to the following:
Scenario: Loved one with dementia is upset about a relative (living or not)
What you can say:
Yes, Aunt Betty was so funny. She used to make us both laugh (avoid saying “remember when…”). It’s okay to be concerned about her. Things are fine. I’ll reach out to her and see how she’s doing and I’ll tell you all about it when I come back.
When getting ready to leave your loved one after a visit
Do not show signs of packing up to leave. Bring as little as possible with you (leave your purse in the car if you can) so that you can say goodbye with as little ordeal as possible.
Phrases to use to help ease the departure:
I’ve got to run to the store. I’ll be back.
I’ve got to take the dog outside. I’ll see you later.
Avoid saying goodbye or I’ll see you later. It’s best to use “I’ll be back in a bit” as it’s reassuring and doesn’t hint that you’re leaving and ending the visit to go home.
Now that you know what home means to a person with dementia, try out these communication techniques to help you have a better, happier relationship with your person with dementia.