What Home Means to a Person with Dementia

Almost all people with dementia and Alzheimer’s asked to go home. What’s important for you to know is that the word “home” doesn’t mean the same thing to them as it does to us. Sometimes, they even ask this WHILE they’re in their home. This can be a sign that they’re not feeling engaged or their needs are not being attended to.

What they’re really saying is that they want to feel safe, comfortable, and secure again. They want to be able to recognize people and places. They want to feel comfortable in familiar surroundings. This is how we feel when we talk about home.

As far as how to handle his request, it depends on the level of the person’s cognitive impairment. There are two ways to handle this (at least!).

Redirect their attention

For example, yes, home is a wonderful place where we feel safe and secure. For now, how about we get some ice cream? Use a distraction, get ice cream, go listen to music, something active, to distract them.

Validate and Reassure

Just because someone has dementia doesn’t mean they don’t know you’re ignoring their words. Ignoring a person’s emotions or desires can lead to frustration and anger because they don’t feel seen or heard. Try wording similar to the following:

Scenario: Loved one with dementia is upset about a relative (living or not)

What you can say:

Yes, Aunt Betty was so funny. She used to make us both laugh (avoid saying “remember when…”). It’s okay to be concerned about her. Things are fine. I’ll reach out to her and see how she’s doing and I’ll tell you all about it when I come back.

When getting ready to leave your loved one after a visit

Do not show signs of packing up to leave. Bring as little as possible with you (leave your purse in the car if you can) so that you can say goodbye with as little ordeal as possible.

Phrases to use to help ease the departure:

I’ve got to run to the store. I’ll be back.

I’ve got to take the dog outside. I’ll see you later.

Avoid saying goodbye or I’ll see you later. It’s best to use “I’ll be back in a bit” as it’s reassuring and doesn’t hint that you’re leaving and ending the visit to go home.