What Does “Home” Mean to a Person with Dementia

Almost all people with dementia and Alzheimer’s ask to go home. Most dementia caregivers don’t understand what home means to person with dementia.

What’s important for you to know is that the word “home” doesn’t mean the same thing to them as it does to us. Sometimes, they even ask this WHILE they are living in their home. This can be a sign that they’re not feeling engaged or their needs are not being attended to.

Home means different things to different people. Home could mean anywhere the family gathers or it could mean the place that holds all of your belongings. It can also mean the place where you created many of your lifetime memories.

So when a person with Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) or dementia says “I want to go home,” it doesn’t necessarily mean they want to go back to the house you grew up in. They also don’t want to hear “You ARE home now.” or “This is your new home now.” That makes them frustrated.

What they are really saying is that they want to feel safe, comfortable, and secure again, as we typically do when living at home. They want to be able to recognize people and places. They want to feel comfortable in familiar surroundings. This is how we feel when we talk about home. Because they have dementia, they have started to lose that emotional connection and they are asking to feel it again.

As far as how to handle this request, it depends on the level of the person’s cognitive impairment. There are two ways to handle this (at least!).

When a person with dementia asks about going home

Try staying on the home topic but redirect their focus. So when they say “I want to go home,” reply with “We all love home, don’t we? My favorite memory of home is when we would plant the garden.” You are still talking about home but you’ve introduced a new related topic, the garden. This is a gentle redirection rather than the typical “Let’s go for ice cream!” more abrupt redirection.

If they now live in an assisted living or memory care community, change their focus to something that has history for them… a photo, a souvenir or jewelry… and say “I remember when you took/got/bought this. It was a few years ago when …” and then provide the details of that item for them.

Do not ask “Do you remember this?” That’s not a fair question and it will embarrass or frustrate them. Let them touch and hold the item and ask them where they’d like it placed so they can easily see it. This is about making them feel comfortable in their new surroundings.

Validate and Reassure your person with dementia

It’s easy to quickly change the topic but that can feel like you are ignoring the person with dementia. Just because someone has dementia doesn’t mean they don’t feel like you’re ignoring their words. Ignoring a person’s emotions or desires can lead to frustration and anger because they don’t feel seen or heard. Try wording similar to the following:

Scenario: Loved one with dementia is upset about a relative (living or not)

What you can say:

Yes, Aunt Betty was so funny. She used to make us both laugh (avoid saying “remember when…”). It’s okay to be concerned about her. Things are fine. I’ll reach out to her and see how she’s doing and I’ll tell you all about it when I come back.

When getting ready to leave your loved one after a visit

Do not show signs of packing up to leave. Bring as little as possible with you (leave your purse in the car if you can) so that you can say goodbye with as little ordeal as possible.

Phrases to use to help ease the departure:

I’ve got to run to the store. I’ll be back.

I’ve got to take the dog outside. I’ll see you later.

Avoid saying goodbye or I’ll see you later. It’s best to use “I’ll be back in a bit” as it’s reassuring and doesn’t hint that you’re leaving and ending the visit to go home.

Now that you know what home means to a person with dementia, try out these communication techniques to help you have a better, happier relationship with your person with dementia.